chez Teuchter

Aphra Behn was recently interviewed by Charlotte in this  tag-yourself meme.  I took the bait and these are the questions posed by Aphra and answered by me.

 You obviously thought long and hard about moving to Englandshire from Places North. 

What is the most unexpected good thing about living in England?

Feel free to contrast it with all the expected and unexpected shitey things too.

I did indeed think long and hard about emigrating.  My husband had actually been working in Englandshire for three years before No3 and myself moved south, leaving Nos 1 and 2 in Scotland.  Leaving my girls was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done; it was so against the natural course of things where children grow up and leave home one at a time, giving you a chance to get used to the idea. I didn’t realise just how stressed over it I was  until I found handfuls of hair blocking the plughole every time I had a shower.

However - that wasn’t the actual question so, steering myself back on course…

One of the unexpectedly good things I found here related to my profession.  I’d been about to burn myself out in Scotland, working for a succession of employers who expected me to work wonders in fifteen minute appointments with no chairside assistance.  Within six months of arriving here I found myself working for one of the corporate bodies, being paid almost twice what I’d been on in Scotland with reimbursement of professional expenses, paid sick leave, a staff discount card and several days CPD per annum.  The appointment lengths were  usually forty or sixty minutes,  and I had full chairside assistance from well trained nurses.   I’ve never been happier - or provided better treatment.

There actually haven’t been too many unexpected shitey things; life here has been generally better than I thought it might be.

Now that you’ve lived outside Scotland for a while, what do you think about it looking from the outside in?  Has leaving it changed your view of it?

Well the first thing they hand you, as you cross the border into Englandshire, is a pair of rose-tinted spectacles with which to look back at life in Scotland - so my views are highly coloured by nostalgia and homesickness.  Living up there, one doesn’t realise that a lot of the rest of the UK regard us as scroungers who get a bigger share of the cake than they deserve.

I’m glad Scotland has its own parliament again.  Far better to be ruled by your ain kind of eejit than by Westminsters who regarded Scotland as a place in which to carry out experiments like The Poll Tax.  In Maggie’s day, there was a spell when there wasn’t a single Tory MP in Scotland - absolutely no mandate whatsoever.

I am still very much in favour of union between the constituent countries and principalities of the UK and would not want total independence for Scotland.  We’re all far stronger as parts of a whole than we would be individually.

There are some changes being forced on what they call your “work / lifebalance”, what advice would you give yourself about weathering them? 

The best advice would be to view these changes as yet another stage in life.  Mourn the bits you’re unhappy to leave - and then look forward.  There’s absolutely no point in wasting energy on things that can’t be changed.  Use that energy to find something else you can do. You can’t change the fact of having this bloody awful disease - being miserable about it will make you an even bigger pain in the arse than you’ve appeared on your blog.  Keep reminding yourself that it could be an awful lot worse. 

If you could bang two heads together, whose would they be?

I’d have to be incandescently furious to resort to physical violence and just at the moment I can’t think of two people who’re being sufficiently stupid with each other to merit some crashing of the crania.

There are, however, several people to whom I’d be happy to administer a good slapping.

Patricia Hewitt for starters,  that voice alone is just enough cause, never mind the MMC debacle.

Paris Hilton and anyone who fuels her bonfire by buying those stooopid magazines that big-up her and her ilk.  Actually - they are some possible contenders for head banging but I wouldn’t wish to sully my hands.

The entire Big Brother production team.  I’ve never seen the appeal of this sort of programming and haven’t even bothered watching since the very early days.  Utter, utter shite.  Anybody who finds themself addicted to this tripe needs a skelp on the lug too.

My son could do with a bit of a slap too - for not making the best of his attributes.  I lie awake at night worrying that one day he’ll realise it’s too late.

My mother’s about to get a skite too if she tells me once more that I’ve been on here too long.

And Charlotte’s sneakiest question:  if you could take an all expenses paid holiday for a month ON YOUR OWN, what would you do and where would you go?

I’d want to spend the time finding all the places on this planet which were settled by my forefathers - so that would take me to Canada, Pakistan, New Zealand and parts of Africa.  It would be fascinating find out about their lives and their families.

Failing that, a sybaritic alternative would be a retreat,  somewhere warm, where I could spend a month getting physically fit and read all the books I’ve been meaning to for the last few years.  A daily massage would be included, as would daily sessions with a delicious young PT (I’m happy just to look) and delectable and non-fattening meals would be left in my apartment at regular intervals.  I don’t think the daily massage would be enough physical contact for me so I’d like a cat or a dog to stroke.

DIRECTIONS FOR THE INTERVIEW MEME